Digital Hygiene for Instagram Debates

Here's How To Know If, When, and How You Should Respond on Instagram.

This essay has three parts:

1. A flowchart to help you determine if, when, and how you should respond to an political/emotional message on instagram.

2. Four factors to consider before you engage with someone.

3. Why you should never write a response.

For the past two years, I’ve posted contentious anti-government stories on my personal instagram page to shift public opinion. After each one, many friends would respond. Some did so in agreement, others in disgust and anger, others to say that it’s a waste of time to get into instagram arguments. Most have just muted me. I’ve also misinterpreted many of my friends’ messages to such a degree that they were justified in ending our friendship. Luckily, they were charitable and forgiving and they chose to talk it over in person instead. It’s scary how warped communication can get over a platform not meant for it. So throughout the past two years, a few rules of thumb have popped up which I list below. I hope they help you.

1. The Flowchart

If a story/photo you post leads to an emotional response, ask yourself these questions about the person responding:

• will they separate emotions from arguments? (ie. are they engineers, or do they have a philosophy degree?)

  • If no, then do not engage.

    • If they insist on an answer, then meet/talk in person or on a call.

  • If yes, then:

• does their response pose a question that’s worth having solid answer to? For example, is it a question that comes up frequently in your personal or daily life? Will you be needing those arguments in your holster?

  • If yes, then write a blog post or video on the question and then send it to them.

  • If no, then do not engage.

    • If they insist on an answer, then meet/talk in person or on a call.

2. Four Factors to Consider

The flowchart above takes into account the cost of time, the scalability of your response, the motivations behind your response, and the motivations behind their response.

Consider your time when responding. Your first choice is whether to read their message. Generally, I get worked up when someone disagrees with me because they might call me a slur or make an unfounded accusation, or even just pose a good counter-argument that will live rent-free inside of my brain for hours. It’s prudent to read the person’s message only after the day’s goals are completed. This way, counter-arguments and a bad mood won’t consume you.

Next is your interpretation of their message. I find that I am defensive and combative when I first read counter-arguments. My pithy responses then invokes more debate and anger from the other end. Waiting for 30 minutes after you first read their message helps you focus on the best parts of their message. You’ll also respond more constructively.

Lastly, you need to consider how much time it will take to respond in a convincing or fair manner, using evidence, sources, videos, etc. If you don’t have evidence or videos at the tips of your fingers, then it may not be worth looking for that content just to respond to one person. That’s why the next point matters.

Consider the scalability of your response as well. You might get 6 different people giving you a similar counterargument. It would be much more efficient for you to send each the same response, instead of writing out unique ones for each. If an exchange on instagrams ends up with you writing more than 3 sentences to respond, then you should turn it into a blog post or a video. If it cannot be turned into a blog post, then your response is so personal or idiosyncratic that it ought to be done over the phone, or by voice message. It is not wise to spend lots of time writing an essay for one person when it will be unlikely to change their mind anyways. That’s why the next point matters.

Consider the motivations of the responder too by paying very close attention to how they respond to your messages. What did they really want to accomplish by writing their message? They may be someone who wants to falsify their inaccurate beliefs to get a sharper view of the world. It would perhaps then be worthwhile to send them new evidence or proof. They might also want to know what you think because they respect your opinion and are curious about it. These are generally good motivations.

But on the down side, they might be trying to trigger you and waste your time. If you respond with paragraphs and they only respond with 1-2 sentences, then either your arguments are crap and they are witty, or they can see that they can rile you up with very little effort. One question to ask yourself in this situation: could they have written that response without reading your past message? If yes, then they’re playing with your emotions rather than your brain. Don’t engage further. Act for what’s best for your future self. The flowchart above helps you stay maximally self-interested, and thus prevents others from taking advantage of you.

Lastly, consider the motivations behind your response. You might be shitposting to get into debates to pass the time. This is generally unwise and not valuable to anyone. But sometimes, it’s unavoidable. Try and at least make your responses funny, like this. You might be posting to feel heard and validated. Then you’ll see any push back as attempts to “invalidate your feelings.” If you want validation, hang out with friends who will listen to you. This won’t have any of the risks that come from instagram posting (unnecessary drama, loss of friendships, etc), but all of the benefits.

3. Why You Shouldn’t Write a Response

Avoid writing out responses on instagram because written responses are easily misinterpreted, and they just take too damn long.

Written text on instagram is easily misinterpreted. Contentious responses usually have a writer who is defensive, angry, or emotional. Any response that’s even slightly challenging will be taken as a personal insult, even when unintentional. Instagram texts are also misinterpreted because there is rarely any editing done for conciseness or logical rigour. They’re textual reactions to someone else’s textual reactions. And that means they convey lots of emotion without the safeguards that nonverbal communication has.

Perhaps 80% of your thought in a real-life conversation is non-verbal. That’s all lost over a text. Over text, people will fill in that information with what they want it to be. If they suspect that you are a nazi, then they will see you as one. This dehumanization comes from a lack of empathy online. In real life, that empathy is generated through eye contact, physical presence, and the emotion in one’s voice. This is why you should meet/talk in person, or have a phone call with them, or send voice messages, instead of writing.

Even if you successfully write something that avoids the pitfalls of the things mentioned above, it tends to take way too long to write. Generally, it requires re-reading and research, which may be fruitless. The most I’ve spent responding to someone was 2 hours. I didn’t convince him at all in the end, and my responses weren’t very coherent either. Even if you do manage to write a logical response, the person you are responding to usually does not return the favour. Instead, they send you another emotional outburst, which can’t be reasoned with. That’s why it’s best to make a blog/video and then send it to them. Because it’s content that wasn’t created directly for them, they know that it can’t be a personal attack. It forces them to address the ideas, rather than the person (you). Plus, if it’s in response to a common critique, you can share the content with everyone who gave you that critique instead of writing a unique response to everyone.

4. Conclusion

We’re entering a new world. Communication has become digital, but our etiquette has not kept up. Platforms are designed to incentivize engagement, and conflict creates engagement, so it’s no surprise that there’s a lot of conflict on platforms. The time you take to respond, the scalability of your response, and the motivations involved are factors you should consider before responding to or even reading a message. And if you do choose to respond, it’s probably best to not write out your message. Good luck.